Cancer Fighters Thrive

SPRING 2014

Cancer Fighters Thrive is a quarterly print and online magazine bringing readers practical, innovative and inspirational information about cancer treatment and survivorship.

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spring 2014 | cancer fighters thrive 31 cf thrive. com According to Peter Edelstein, MD, FACS, FASCRS, author of Own Your Cancer: A Take-Charge Guide for the Recently Diagnosed and Those Who Love Them (Lyons Press, 2014), "Healthy marriages are rarely permanently desta- bilized by a cancer diagnosis, although they may go through several rough patches. In the end, solid marriages may even be further strengthened by the true partnering of spouses in together facing the threat that the cancer poses to their relationship." While some troubled marriages improve, with cancer refocusing the partners on what is truly important in life, says Dr. Edelstein, "in other teeter- ing marriages, a cancer diagnosis repre- sents the fnal blow, leading to separa- tion, as this additional set of fears and issues simply overwhelms one or both partners." In some cases, couples may make it through the treatment phase together but fnd that the survivorship phase presents an entirely new type of stress that highlights underlying problems in the relationship. "The spouse who had cancer often cannot 'snap back' to pre-cancer mode," says Lidia Schapira, MD, Medical Oncologist and Associate Editor at Cancer.Net. "She or he may still be dealing with lingering physical or emotional effects and may, in some ways, not be exactly the 'same person' as before, and the healthy spouse often has a hard time understanding and accept- ing this." The result, Dr. Schapira says, can be a decision to separate. "I've seen cancer survivors fnd the courage to leave an unhappy marriage after cancer and others who have been left by their spouse after enduring the illness. Sometimes MIND-BODY CONNECTION TAKING A PROACTIVE APPROACH Given the many stressors related to a cancer diagnosis, it is not surprising that problems can arise, afecting the stability of a relationship. The following rec- ommendations provide helpful insight into ensuring that relationships remain strong in the face of these challenges: • Keep the lines of communication open and draw on past experience. "Anytime there is a crisis, you need to increase communication, with the goal of mutual understanding, not necessarily an agreement. It may hurt to share feelings, but unshared feelings are what really diminishes relationships," says Mike Uhl, MA, MDiv, LMFT, Mind-Body Therapist at Cancer Treatment Centers of America® (CTCA) in Newnan, Georgia. Uhl tells couples to "fght the can- cer, not each other." And while the unique challenges that arise for couples in the wake of a diagnosis are no doubt signifcant, Uhl encourages partners to remember how they have united to overcome other difcult situations and to employ those same strategies now. "I recommend that they try to reuse those skills and remind themselves of those things that helped keep them from fall- ing apart in the past," he says. • Shore up your support network. Even if your partner is willing to do it all, bringing friends and other family members on board can provide a much- needed break from caregiving responsibilities. This not only will help keep a sense of balance in your partner's life but also will give him or her a chance to process all the feelings the cancer diagnosis has generated. • Talk with a therapist with a background in cancer. Discussing all the emotions—fear, anger or grief—either together or separately not only gets them out in the open but also can provide useful coping tools. Working with a counselor experienced in the specifc challenges faced by cancer patients, says Dr. Fleishman, will ensure that treatment-related symptoms are not mis- takenly attributed to psychological or emotional causes. cftSp#23vky.indd 31 2/3/14 11:16 PM

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