Cancer Fighters Thrive is a quarterly print and online magazine bringing readers practical, innovative and inspirational information about cancer treatment and survivorship.
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MIND-BODY CONNECTION other patient survive or, worse, that they Colley encourages patients to examine Colley works with a lot of survivors who should have been the one to pass away. their feelings of guilt by journaling, talk- are experiencing some level of guilt. "We call Some survivors will get stuck in a vicious ing to a therapist, or participating in a it 'imagined guilt' or 'survivor guilt,'" she cycle of "if only": If only I had told her about support group. "I like to get patients con- says. "Sometimes patients feel responsible the special vitamins I was taking. If only I nected to groups because that can help in part for the passing of fellow patients." had encouraged him to try acupuncture. If give them a constant sense of balance," only I had worked harder to build hope in she explains. treatment journey relatively unscathed." This may not make sense to someone who has not walked the cancer path, sat that person. What's more, Colley says that one of with fellow patients in the waiting room, "Some people experience no survivor the most effective ways to move beyond compared diagnoses and treatment plans, guilt, and others are overwhelmed by it," survivor guilt is to look ahead and try and given and received encouragement Colley explains. "Many times it's some- to bring something good out of the ex- throughout the journey. But to a cancer thing that may be operating at a deeper perience. "What could a survivor do that survivor, it makes perfect sense, and it is level, and the person is not even aware that would be productive and fruitful going another part of the cancer journey that they have it." forward?" she asks. must be processed. Survivorship presents an opportunity COPING WITH SURVIVOR GUILT WHO EXPERIENCES SURVIVOR GUILT? to leave regrets behind and reprioritize life in a new way. Sometimes this means Though some refer to survivor guilt as making drastic changes, but sometimes it There is a sense of implied comparison imagined guilt, that's not to say it isn't real. can be as simple as planting a tree in hon- that occurs among people who have en- "We do not invalidate anyone's feelings. or of a fellow patient who did not survive. dured similar ordeals. It's only natural to Feelings are very real," explains Colley. compare type and stage of cancer, treat- "The feeling of guilt is real, but the foun- THIS TOO SHALL PASS ment plans, nutrition plans, and more. It's dation of it is imagined." The good news is that survivor what we do—we find common ground, es- With that in mind, often the first step guilt typically fades with time. It pecially in the face of cancer—because we in coping with survivor guilt is to examine is important to acknowledge and need one another. the foundation of the guilt. A mind-body accept the feelings of guilt—and "We have an amazing support commu- therapist can be instrumental in this pro- allow yourself to move beyond nity at CTCA®," Colley says. "Our patients cess. "I really encourage patients to talk to them. You deserve to survive seek each other out in the cafeteria and the us about their feelings regarding other pa- and thrive and enjoy your waiting rooms. They gravitate toward one tients," Colley says. "Sometimes it is a big one wild and pre- another. But because of that tight bond, help just to verbalize the feelings." cious life. they might be more inclined to feel a sense Colley says that she asks patients to be willing to hear feedback: "We mirror back of survivor guilt." Colley explains that CTCA patients to them what we are hearing them say— form deep connections. "They may have which is that they are experiencing some- the same type and stage of cancer, and then thing that is understandable but unfound- they go through treatment and one has a ed." She says that it is important to exam- different outcome." ine the feelings and understand that they Sometimes in these cases, but not al- are real—but unrealistic. "We ask them to ways, survivor guilt ensues. Some patients really think about how they arrived at this develop a sense of guilt or responsibility— conclusion that they should have been able believing that they should have helped the to help this other person survive." cfthrive.com FOR A FREE PRINT SUBSCRIPTION GO TO CFTHRIVE.COM spring 2013 | cancer fighters thrive 41